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Robert De Niro’s embarrassing performance outside the Trump trials this week gave professional satirists comedy gold.
Too bad late-night hosts wouldn’t prospect for it. 
Ryan Long broke out his mining helmet and hammer all the same.
The Canadian native is neither Right nor Left. So when an A-list actor embarrasses himself in front of the national media Long can call it like he sees it.
That’s something Stephen Colbert and co. can’t do.
This week, Long zeroed in on film legend De Niro’s appearance at the Trump trial in New York City. The actor stammered through a speech riddled with fear mongering.
De Niro gave the Biden administration a famous face to cheer on Trump’s prosecution. The actor ended up shouting at New Yorkers who didn’t see eye to eye with the “Goodfellas” star.
That’s being kind.
For Long and “Boyscast” co-host Danny Polishchuk, the exchange gave them the ultimate podcast fodder.
“That De Niro thing really did strike me as …” Long said.
“Lame,” Polishchuk interjected.
The duo quoted De Niro from the press conference, including accusations Trump wants to destroy New York and, later, the world.
Robert De Niro Celebrates Trump’s Conviction: ‘This Is My Country. This Guy Wants to Destroy It’ https://t.co/QyLJ2E9UCw
— Variety (@Variety) May 30, 2024
“Anyone with a brain goes, ‘yeah, that’s Trump’s goal, to destroy New York,’” Long said.
“He already had the four years that you promised us he would do all of these things,” Polishchuk said.
Bingo.
No U.S. journalist will ask De Niro this simple question. You can fear monger all you want, but the country had four full years of Trump. We saw his personality up close, watched him struggle with a global pandemic and noticed an extreme lack of Hitler-like behavior.
No labor camps or attacks on free speech. Can the Biden administration say the same on the latter front?
RELATED: RYAN LONG SHAMES ‘SNL’ (AGAIN)
“They’re saying it’s gonna be worse this time,” Long said of De Niro and fellow Trump critics.
“What do you mean? You said all these things last time,” Polishchuk added.
“If you re-elect him he’s never gonna leave office. He’s gonna make himself a tyrant for life,” Long said, paraphrasing De Niro. “No one really believes this. It’s an old man yelling at the clouds.”
Long ended the rant by mocking the actor’s “fake, tough-guy persona,” Long said. “You’re a drama kid! If he wasn’t in mob movies he could easily be prancing around on f***ing Broadway now.”
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